Your soft hands rolling all over the strums, the beauty of their flow, and the rythum that they blowed. It was just so serene. I was the one you used to sing to, hum to, play to. But that seems ages ago. Your memory is fading away, burnt to dust in those chambers of my land. I can't believe I could ever burn my own ship and see it waver away in the sea. Was it that I was a fool or I knew too much?


Too much of who I'm and not you!

It gets hard to digest when you realize you have more Foes at your back, then Friends ahead.


And when Life tightens it's grip around your neck, 'Playing Dead' isn't the Best Option.


My Life & Reality bites HARD!

*rubs eyes*
*stares at screen*
*rubs eyes again*
*starts typing*


So 20th September it was, my FIRST Day at a University in Pakistan. Living back in Qatar I dreamt about getting into a Pakistani University (but foreign it was for me back then). I loved the thought of getting ragged (slightly tremored though), making friends (Pakistani Nationals :P) and the feeling of everything being DESI. No tension of punishing your mouth with English for the Entire session. Not bored about the fact that you would be the ONLY one to raise your hand in a herd full of Dumb *coughs* Blondes in Hijab :P
The First day ran past by in an attempt to catch every possible Lecture that we could. The result, we managed to attend just ONE lecture out of the Entire 6 :P. But then gain better hopes for tomorrow InshAllah ;) Ok so the First Question asked after the First Day is 'Did you guys get Ragged?' then my answer *shamefully* Nahe, we didnt get ragged. Reason, nobody took us as freshers, or MORE like confused, baffled, I'llBeRagged kind of Freshers ;) A few of our Batch mates were ragged because they ran around even at the sight of a group of boys somewhere around the staircase. Gosh, that was effing Hilarious :P. They made them sing Nursery Rhymes. Alarms from the Seniors saved majority of us from the money snatching act, because we didnt bring any.
So a new Day has already begun, just my ritual to pack my stuff and head to bed is left.
Ill be dropping by from time to time, not sure when and where and how.
Keep on looking for me.

Fixed on my favorite spot.
Time: 5:05am
Condition: Thoughtful


Sinking on this half lit sofa in my Lounge I just keep staring on this blank page infront of me for moments before I realize whats meant to be scribbled on it. Listening to the Call to Prayer in complete abyss, where the birds are the only beings busy in their Praises for the Lord Almighty. I recollect myself, my thoughts, memories, visions, inspirations, and all that has been a part of my life, a part of me for years now and words crawl out from my mouth "M I a complete Failure?". Knowing there isnt anyone here to break this moment of sheer re-connection then myself. I can see the shadow of my hand following the path of my palm which is busy pinning down the thoughts onto the paper.The shadow of reality is the shadow of truth, atleast thats how I try and console myself. Saying "M I a Complete Failure" doesnt really make me one, does it? If I'm a failure at something I soon realize the 2 basic rules about it, either:

1. You're not meant for it.
2. You're just not putting the right portion of yourself in it.

So trust me it has been months or around an year or so that I have done a Tag, these days nobody tags anyone anyhow. Considering that I'm STILL a child according to a comment by someone I have received lately, I planned to get done with the tag tonight :P And the tag sort of describes what a Human craves to be in his/her Imagination ;)


If I WERE!

1. If I were to be a Month; I'd say December, the Month that marks the End of the Gregorian Year (And because its Winter's )
2. If I were to be a Day of the Week; I'd say Friday, the Mubarak day of the Week.
3. If I were to be a Time of the Day; I'd say Early Morning (irrespective of the exact timing), It's such a serene time to be :)
4. If were to be a Season; I'd say Autumn; waiting to shed off those rotten years of my life.
5. If I were to be a Planet; I'd say Mars; a Human's NEXT possible stop ;)
6. If I were to be a Sea Animal; I'd say a Dolphin, that's the cutest and the most playful creature of the sea.
7. If I were to be a Direction; I'd say the Right one (not literally) but morally the Right Direction ;)
8. If I were to be a piece of Furniture; I'd say a Daybed, it gives you both the pleasure of falling asleep as well as a piece of convenient sitting :D
9. If I were to be a Liquid; I'd say blood (no explanation needed).
10. If I were to be a Tree; I'd be an Oak Tree, because it's Evergreen.
11. If I were to be a tool; I'd say a hammer, strike em' hard Dude!
12. If I were to be an element; I'd say Water, the Purest.
13. If I were to be a Gemstone; I'd say a Black Diamond, rarest and Prettiest :D
14. If I were to be a Musical Instrument; I'd say a Rabab, because its Simple and it's Folk.
15. If I were to be a Color; I'd say Sea Green, its just so Surreal.
16. If I were to be an Emotion; I'd say Satisfaction.
17. If I were to be a Fruit; I'd say an Apple, I'd keep the Doctor Away, TRUST ME! :P
18. If I were to be a Sound; I'd say the Sound of the Waves smashing the stones.
19. If I were to be a Car; I'd say I'm BLANK ( yes I can't think of ANY car right now =/ )
20. If I were to be a Food; I'd say a Healthy One, everyone talks about it, but no one really bothers to have some :P
21. If I were to be a Taste; I'd say I'd LOVE to be the Taste of Victory.
22. If I were to be a Pair of Shoes; I'd say None. (I dont want to be Shoes).
23. If I were to be a Bird; I'd say a Snow Owl, Pretty, Mysterious and Wise ;)

Ok so Im just forcing myself for the past couple of weeks to post an update, not that I have a REAL update in life apart from that I finally got admission and Im ready to crack some pencils/pens :P and oooh boy is it going to be tough, using keyboards as tool of expression for the past couple of years has totally taken away my power to write. At moments I feel like I have been a doctor in my previous birth (pechala janam) :P Only a pharmacist can victoriously decrypt what I could have written, not I, myself.
Ramadan is going great alhumdulilAllah, staying up till Sehri, enjoying all the pakoras that i can have at Aftaar (pretending as if I wont be allowed to have it for the next Aftaar :P) and etcetera.. The routine is just set and often I feel just a bit too stiff with my life these days. Im doing nothing creative apart from polishing my itsy bitsy novel. Yes the reason why I'm not posting any more episodes is that I have made a hell lot of changes in the previous ones, and I need a bit of suggestion. Since I have made an awful amount of amendments in the chapters so should I be posting them again, and remove the previous ones? (that will make me loose all the comments along with the post =/ ) or should I update the previous posts and give a quick update about the changes made in the form of a new post? I really need some motivation to get done with the novel, coz Eid isnt that far and my classes will commence just AFTER Eid, as I have heard Pakistan is generous enough to permit hardly 3-4 days of Eid Holidays (where as Im used to having 10 Holy Eid Fiesta Holidays :P ).
Life is getting a harder grip on me these days, often do I feel what I did wasnt right and then there are these days when the flame within just burns the frozen emotions and doesnt let you wipe out the flooding within.
But then all is well that ends well.

Cheerio folks will be forcing myself to update again sometime sooner.

alryt alryt this is ENUF, I have had it from me. I can't be any lazier than THIS. But Im *sigh*. LORD! I can be so pathetic at times. Im turning to a couch potato or rather a potato with a laptop attached to it :S
Its been months we have shifted back to Pakistan and saddeningly half of the entire packed stuff was loaded in my room, and I was BAY-ROOM (without a room) for like around 4 months now. Finally we decided to take out all the stuff re-arrange it so that it fits into ONE room, and I get to have my room back :). Its been a tiring effort of about 8 hours that we finally managed to THOSOFY all the stuff in one room leaving behind a few suitcases in my room, which I will eventually stick back into that room so that there isnt a needle left in my room :P Now I have to assemble my PC Table, get a PC, get a Bed, a dresser would be optional (I can literally live without a dresser :P ) and a few other optional items for my room. But first off I still have to clear up alot of Mess that is hanging around in my room *sigh* and here Im sitting and planning stuff that I should Do rather doing it in reality =/ couch potatao!

Why do someday you miss someone your not meant to with a painful intensity that punches straight in your heart...

Crazy as it sounds.... I really cant imagine what exactly do I miss that much, the wind that blew, the air I took, or the heart that I broke. I wasnt ever meant to be a Life Saver.

Drowning down deep deep down in the ocean of my own reality, where the water is no blue but black, where no life can be seen, and no sound can be heard. All I can see, feel, hear, and think of is Me. Why do I had to be so self-obsessed!

When you ask me for the Truth,
I say no Words,

When you ask me for that Feel,
I say I have None,

When you ask for me that Touch,
I say I turned it all to dust,

When you ask me for those Laughs,
I say I had lost them all,

When you ask me for those Stares,
I say Im all blind,

When you ask me for those Memories,
I say I burnt it all behind,

When you ask me for that Love,
I say I sold my heart away,

When you ask Me of Me,
Silence was all that I could say.

Sincerely Yours!

Yes this is a small post (coz of the dying mobile battery) that u jst write to curse ur Ownself. I the hoshyaar, chalaak, samajhdaar one broke my laptop 2 days ago n it seems the end of the world to me =( its in the ICU n duno if it vl recover or not =/ n bake raha sawaal nae netbook ya notebook ka tou filhaal koe scene nazaar nae araha =( hve 2 consult sawj in this matter, thn il b posting my new relationship status soon ;)
til thn hospital ky chakkar lagany paraingy =/
prayers needed!

I just want to wish you the bestest Birthday EVER!. May Allah always keeps you happy and healthy and gives you prosperity in your new relationship InshAllah Ameen.

May Allah Subhan wa Tallah blesses you with his greatest Blessings ameen sum ameen =D


Love,
Choli Moli =P

Seriously is there any place that can issue me a License that allows you to KILL all those JERKS that are roaming around freely in this world pretending to be the Normal one's. If yes than please let me get one (coz I dont want to go around killing people against the law).

1. First of is the Founder of GEO Network
He is one of the wretched souls I could ever encounter in this whole WORLD. Someday he would be broadcasting news of Mothers giving Potty training to her children. They cant just sit in their chairs and report what is RIGHT and what is needed. In regard to this NYC case of the Pakistani guy who is indeed a Man who commits an attack with no brains. But how can you prove a point by reporting from OUTSIDE his ancestral house, talking to his cousin, asking these ridiculous questions about how was he when he was a Kid, how many times did he used to visit this place, did he even come here or preferred staying in Peshawar. How are you and rest of the people reacting to this news. ' GETAFREAKINLIFE '. They were just bound to get the idea where his parents were residing at the moment. OK! we get the concept that he is the culprit, but being a Human give that Idiot some space, your not making things any easier. And they way they report stuff is just Remarkable + ull be thinking WHY the hell do I want to kill the founder instead if the reporters is that HE is the mastermind who is paying all those Jerks.
2. A Man with a Hidden Identity =P
   
Lolx I know that sounds a little awkward but it's still not the time to reveal his identity here =P but he is the man because of which our belongings are not yet handed over to us. Just as you guys know I have shifted here sometime ago, and living years abroad also makes u bring back all those memories through a portal known as a shipment. And because of that man we still haven't received it yet. You know the kind of people who like throwing parties from ur money =@
3. Our Splendid Governor of Punjab Mr.Salman Taseer
A Man with those puffy eyes hiding under his hideous shades, who don't even propose the real meaning of shades. A family with the most sophisticated and the most influential background. A family that we AWAM should look up to. A poor man who has asked for nothing through out his rein and has wished for just one small thing a Mercedes Benz worth Rs25.4 million. A wish that only Santa could fulfill years ago, but Santa is a rich man now and he has stopped granting such tiny wishes. *sigh* I feel pity for this Old Chap who does nothing else but enjoy foreign trips with his burqah clad family

Dear Baba Jani,
At first I thought to wish you Happy Birthday in all the languages that I could find through the internet, but than I said to myself that saying words in a language that neither I nor u could understand wouldnt have the feel that I want to give away. Planning a surprise for you was sooooo exciting, you not knowing what is going on outside the room, and why the hell is your constant request for fresh lime is being rejected by Mama =P, you see that was all part of the plan. Telling you we are going to the tailor and than hiding this master piece under the dupatta just so you wouldn't notice was HILARIOUS ;)
Your the best Baba Jani a girl can ever imagine (MashAllah), you have never stopped us from doing anything, or from following our dreams, you didn't place any rules or laws for WHAT you want from us in Life. You were just there for us whenever we needed you, helping us get through all those times when a kid feels it's the end of her world. You had been, you are and InshAllah you will be the BEST Baba Jani in this world =D
May Allah bless you with health, respect, peace and strength through out your life, and may your hand remains on us for all the coming years InshAllah ameen sum ameen =)

Happy Birth Day Baba Jani!