Anonymous Thought's Blog: 2010

Your soft hands rolling all over the strums, the beauty of their flow, and the rythum that they blowed. It was just so serene. I was the one you used to sing to, hum to, play to. But that seems ages ago. Your memory is fading away, burnt to dust in those chambers of my land. I can't believe I could ever burn my own ship and see it waver away in the sea. Was it that I was a fool or I knew too much?

Too much of who I'm and not you!

Sacred Fragrance

12:28 PM

Posted by Sana

Playing around with her 4 year old son Mujtaba and almost a year old toddler Meherzad, Abeer kept on thinking about how life was when Zain was there by their side. It was hard for her to think he wasn’t there anymore. She could remember the same time of the day but when Zain was around. The kids would run around him like tiny baboons. Meherzad was a Princess in Daddy’s lap while Mujtabba was trustworthy enough to become his upfront warrior and who else had the honor of being the Queen of his throne but Abeer herself. He was the love of her life, her most cherished gem and looking after him was like a sacred ritual for her. He had become that strongest pillar of her life whom she leaned over at any time of the day. Be it when she was not feeling herself or at times when she just wanted someone to love and caress her.

Sometimes she would just run her fingers across his clothes and feel his once present body amongst them. She could pick out his favorite tuxedo and just lie down on the bed with it, sensing him around somewhere. She knew it was his fragrance that spread across the room marking his existence beside her. His strong, bold, charismatic scent that gave her the confidence to be who she was and feel proud about it. His fragrance would take her to those enchanted valleys where separation didn’t exist. Where all she could do was to look at her love and feel him around her, sense him, touch him, taste him, embrace him with her thoughts. For the void feeling of Life and Death didn’t exist in dreams. It was a sacred land for those who believed in union even after death.

Her hours spent staring at the outside world through the window reminded her of their time when he used to count all the stars in the sky for her. Their nights spent in confessing and confiding in each other. Now she could sense his transformation in their kids. His actions can be distinctively seen in them. They were turning out to be complete reflections of his soul. Gateway to his presence in their Lives. She could see him in Mujtaba’s smile and Meherzad’s eyes. Their touch filled her soul with his presence, his luminous heavenly presence amongst them. She could see his words on a note that he left that day before leaving. They say that people get to know when they are about to leave this world, they get this gut feeling that this might be the day when they are kissing their loved one’s for the last time. Most probably Zain knew it himself that day that he wouldn’t make it till dinner that night, so he left her a note.

Dearest,

I will be late tonight, don’t stay up and ruin your sleep just for me. For you have given me a lot for all this time and I couldn’t have asked for anything else. You have been and are the spark of sanity in my Life, my savior from demise. Pray that we keep on loving each other till eternity.

Yours Only,

Zain

Neither did she know that he would give her this note as a token of his love before he left her behind looking for him till infinity. She just stood there in a state of temporary death and wondered how all that could have happened within seconds. She wished she didn’t make that call just to tell him that she loved him, the sound of the collision was as deathly as the thought itself. How couldn’t he see that car coming from the opposite side? She clenched her fists even tight for she recalled the last time she saw his face. Of all the bruises and scars on his face, she saw that he had serenity all over his body. As if he didn’t regret a bit of what just happened because he knew this was coming and he wasn’t afraid of it. He knew he had left behind all his love for her, carefully transmitted in to his kids. She just had to start looking for him in them; for whenever she will look deeper, she will only find a hint of his reflection in their soul.

She felt someone tugging her shirt and to her surprise Mujtaba was standing there holding on to Mr.Bunny all packed for a good night sleep. She collected both of her gems and tucked them inside the bed to have a ‘They lived happily after….’ bedtime story. After all those ups and downs a Man goes through his/her life, there comes a turn where everything turns out to be happily ever after, after all. Life without Zain wouldn’t have been any easier if it weren’t for these two. Days were meant to pass by living and running after them and nights were spent in his dreams for life was now meant to pass on as it did before. The difference remained in his presence which she knew couldn’t be felt physically but had to be sensed by his sacred fragrance all around them.

Dear Me

12:58 AM

Posted by Sana

2 comments

Dear Me,

Its about time that I actually came up and conversed with you. I feel sick of coming over to you in that darkest corner. It's time we confront each other in the hard, unsympathetic day light. I need to see all that scars you have imposed on me all this time; for I want to see how deep they have seeped and how bad do I look with all those bruises on my self. I want to see myself in that bright day light, that I have longed to see for so long. I need the courage to live in the reality, for your fantasies have given me nothing more then those sickening feeling of being left out, out of place and more like a frantic 'out of order' machine, who knows nothing about what the hell it has to do with that dime.

Dear Me, I apologize for not listening to you that often, but you need to learn to get on along without me, for it's getting hard for me to balance the two extremes of my life. Your pressure is driving me nuts, and it isnt far away that Ill end up being an insomniac, anorexic, diseased, ~~omnipotent~~ piece of sludge.

Ill keep on writing to you from time to time for I know no matter how far off I try and run away from you, I don't have to run back to come back to you. I can just stop and look into myself to find you there in the deepest darkest corner, where you'l always be.

With great love,

Myself.

That Morning's Glory!

8:58 PM

Posted by Sana

It’s hard to believe that I can still taste that tremor within my dreams after all that time had passed by. The freshness of gunpowder and the stinkiness of fresh blood, the deafening sounds of tanks, grenades and bullets flying around wake me up from the hallucinative dream. The graveness of all those groans and moans still make me sick to the core. Its still hard for me to go through that night all over again, but my life is destined to gag me, and I don’t even blame it for doing that. For the day I was posted in the barren lands of Afghanistan, I knew Life had something big for me. It wasn’t because of the cruel, extremist, hypocritical image of the Taliban, but it was something what your 6^th sense keeps on feeding you at the back of your mind.

Strange as it may seem, when you’re there at the battlefield, the heat and the adrenaline shows you the wildest mirages of things similar to your life back home. The happiness of the moment when you hold the love of your family sent over to you in the form of a letter remains unexplainable. Thus the misery that haunts you when you lie to them about the situation at the ground and the guilt that prevails becomes unbearable. Living in the digital world sending letters instead of emails doesn’t make any difference. Both cannot define the intensity of a lie and the depth of the pain that it holds. I’ve been lying on this bed immobile for months, unable to do anything on my own. I keep on running my life on the raged roads of my memory. No matter how tight the walls get over me, I know they aren’t for real, for I’ve seen worse that night. I just can’t compare those hours spent beneath all that rubble with the static life here on the bed.

It was the time when he and I were aiming for the opponents group and those clever headed goons aimed the missile directly at our barrack, that was when everything around changed, for the both of us. That is the time when all your plans, trainings and war strategies turn out to be complete failures. Then it’s just you and your Fate, the time when you say ‘What’s meant to happen will happen’. If only I could save him that night. If only I had all the strength to take myself and him out of all that misery. All I could see from the corner of my eye, stuck under the debris, was his half burnt face and lips calling out for someone’s mercy. If only I could reach up to him and touch his agonizing body which was torn into a hundred pieces, I believe that things would have been different today. Looking at him lying there in complete abyss I never realized the intensity of pain my body was bearing for so long. I could hear him calling out each one of his loved one’s names, shouting from the depth of his ruptured lungs of how much he loved them and wanted to be with them right now. My eyes couldn’t even come up with tears because of the numbness of all that pain. The once present tremor in his voice was soon fading away for he knew it was time to fly away.

I never realized if he was even conscious of the fact that I was still there with him. Calling out his name from that darkened, grimy corner, I could sense a state of shock reflected in his voice, which vanished as quickly as it appeared. Hear him laugh tearfully, wrenched my soul from the inside. All I could do was to talk to him, and make these last moments of his life less miserable for him. I just can’t forget those last few lines that he spoke to me before leaving me behind all alone “Don’t just loose your hope for tonight, as I know you will live unto the day to witness the glory of that Morning”. Looking into his frozen eyes, I couldn’t deny what he said. It was hard for me to comprehend for how those excruciating minutes, turned into hours and how I actually made it till the morning. The moment when those first few rays caressed my face, peeking through that hole, I couldn’t believe I have been found. They say the realization about the truth is the hardest of all. Lying there motionless for hours before they took me out, I kept thinking of nothing, nothing at all, as if my mind wasn’t able to get itself out from the sense of shock that it went through the entire night. Being carried away in that stretcher I kept thinking if I would really be able to make it to the Hospital and then lying here in the bed at home I realize that I have a long way to go through after that night. Staring at the floor at which the early morning rays have started their game, I believe in what my mate said to me, I did live up to witness the glory of this Morning, irrespective of what I lost or how much I lost, I thank the Lord for keeping me alive through that night just so I could live up my life to witness the glory that His world holds for me.

'Words'

8:44 PM

Posted by Sana

3 comments

This stranded corner of a highway looks so surreal and serene, no wonder loneliness has seeped inside of me for an unimaginably long period of time. This solitude has given me the strength to know what I actually was and going to be. Those long walks in my pre-occupied thoughts gave me the power to run away from the world whenever and wherever I wished for.

The moments in time when you actually look back at something, gives you the moment of something that had past by, no matter how vivid the hallucination seems to be, you can never find yourself standing in there forever. After all what this world gives you, you have to come back to it again, either crashed or burnt or like a HULK of your own kind.

I love my solitude for it has given me what Im now. It has given me the power to think, to imagine, to relate, to concentrate, to agree and to differ, to sow and to reap. It has molded me into something that I never was years ago. When I play back those days I see myself as a vulnerable soul, not sure of what could it do or bear. Getting slacked at different stages of my life and making decisions either right or wrong of my own, I learnt stuff the hard way, but I did. In the end, that's all what matters.

I can never let anyone inside those deepest darkest corners of my life, because the darkness inside a being can never be explained or transferred unto someone else (that just seems too weird), this is how an individual differs from another. This is how we bear the tag of being 'Unique'. It isnt how we portray our thoughts in the form of words, it is how we transform and mold our deepest darkest imaginations into tangible things like 'Words'.

Reflex those muscles inside and see what you can shape and create after a session or two.

Its time to Leave that hand.

9:35 PM

Posted by Sana

6 comments

Let me be how I wish to be,

Holding on to that last strand,

Isn't easy for me,

Nor as easy for you.

Let me be how I wish to be,

For I want you to be,

As You wish to be,

It's time now to leave your hand, for I have been holding on to you for far too long now, you have held me whenever I needed that hand, whenever I needed that strength to keep on going with this world. The world isnt a Board Game for me now, but I have learnt my lessons the hard way. Taking decisions aren't any easier, but sticking on to them has become my strength.

Im just the same old me, not being able to say exactly what I want. Locking up things that bother me, deep inside. You had the key, the access to whatever was in there, but my strength became my weakness and I began to loose the battle of my Dignity. Time flies by, so does everyone else along with it.

I wish to leave that hand now, for I have surely piled up everything inside me to the extent that I cannot explain the intensity of the pain inside. I have failed myself yet again, but I dont regret doing that, because Im proud of the fact that I served my long dead Ego. I served everyone else accept myself, I can NEVER satisfy myself my dear, NEVER!

Holding on to your hand for far too long now,

I just wish I never did,

For down below I see the ragged rocks,

And the sight of you above makes me shiver,

Death isnt easy,

Let me just die the easy way,

By just stabbing the self inside.

Let me just DIE the easy way.......

They Say..

12:12 AM

Posted by Sana

It gets hard to digest when you realize you have more Foes at your back, then Friends ahead.

And when Life tightens it's grip around your neck, 'Playing Dead' isn't the Best Option.

My Life & Reality bites HARD!

First Day Already?

1:23 AM

Posted by Sana

15 comments

*rubs eyes*
*stares at screen*
*rubs eyes again*
*starts typing*

So 20th September it was, my FIRST Day at a University in Pakistan. Living back in Qatar I dreamt about getting into a Pakistani University (but foreign it was for me back then). I loved the thought of getting ragged (slightly tremored though), making friends (Pakistani Nationals :P) and the feeling of everything being DESI. No tension of punishing your mouth with English for the Entire session. Not bored about the fact that you would be the ONLY one to raise your hand in a herd full of Dumb *coughs* Blondes in Hijab :P
The First day ran past by in an attempt to catch every possible Lecture that we could. The result, we managed to attend just ONE lecture out of the Entire 6 :P. But then gain better hopes for tomorrow InshAllah ;) Ok so the First Question asked after the First Day is 'Did you guys get Ragged?' then my answer *shamefully* Nahe, we didnt get ragged. Reason, nobody took us as freshers, or MORE like confused, baffled, I'llBeRagged kind of Freshers ;) A few of our Batch mates were ragged because they ran around even at the sight of a group of boys somewhere around the staircase. Gosh, that was effing Hilarious :P. They made them sing Nursery Rhymes. Alarms from the Seniors saved majority of us from the money snatching act, because we didnt bring any.
So a new Day has already begun, just my ritual to pack my stuff and head to bed is left.
Ill be dropping by from time to time, not sure when and where and how.
Keep on looking for me.

I say I'm a Failure

2:52 AM

Posted by Sana

Fixed on my favorite spot.
Time: 5:05am
Condition: Thoughtful

Sinking on this half lit sofa in my Lounge I just keep staring on this blank page infront of me for moments before I realize whats meant to be scribbled on it. Listening to the Call to Prayer in complete abyss, where the birds are the only beings busy in their Praises for the Lord Almighty. I recollect myself, my thoughts, memories, visions, inspirations, and all that has been a part of my life, a part of me for years now and words crawl out from my mouth "M I a complete Failure?". Knowing there isnt anyone here to break this moment of sheer re-connection then myself. I can see the shadow of my hand following the path of my palm which is busy pinning down the thoughts onto the paper.The shadow of reality is the shadow of truth, atleast thats how I try and console myself. Saying "M I a Complete Failure" doesnt really make me one, does it? If I'm a failure at something I soon realize the 2 basic rules about it, either:

You're not meant for it.
You're just not putting the right portion of yourself in it.

If it wasnt for the hardwork that pays off, their would have been just Winning and Losing, Chapter closed. Period.
The value of Hope, Fate and Faith would have been brought to ground Zero by then. As much as the shadow of reality keeps a track of you, it comes running behind you. The transformation lets you know your input and the extra effort needed, till the point where you cant see it, neither ahead nor behind. The point when you conquer your shadow is the point of Supreme Success. Though a shadow running ahead of you is the one that isnt meant for you when you start getting Mirages amidst your sufferings. Running after such a shadow is a complete waste of time. Just like Success comes from within, So does Failure. If we Own our Success we should be able to Own our Failures as well. But if that what comes from inside, isnt Sane enough, then you must be a Complete Failure.

I guess this is Eid then?

7:38 AM

Posted by Sana

كل ام و انتم بخير-عید مبارک

Another year and another Eid MashAllah, glad Allah has spared me with another year, after what has been said and done.Period

Eid is always special for everyone, kids, teens, post-teens, elderly just for Everyone. You can just imagine time flying by, comparing the changes happening over Eid each year. Trust Me that's the easiest way to determine when you Finally went from childhood to adulthood to being Aunty/Uncle :P. Life really plays around with you all the time, I remember my previous Eids spent back in Qatar and this year here in Karachi, everything seems to have changed (myself being the Biggest Factor).
Life changes and so does it effect the people around you, and for me it has effected just a few who mattered to me. This year has been full of changes, and adapting to a life full of changes isnt that easy, you fall, you stand, you fall again, and you try and scrape off the dust and stand again. But what we really have to realize is, no matter how many hardships we have been and are going through, there still WILL be someone in a far more worse situation than you. Try and appreciate your life a little bit more. What has been said and done in the past, cannot be forgiven or forgotten, but what's going on in the Present cannot be neglected or condoned. What things are Now, is the Reality. Either you keep it or you die, there isn't any other option left with you. Yes, the options you have are either you carry on with your Life sulking on your Past, cursing every past minute or You just get over the Past and get going with the Present. Whats there in the past is all piled up in files in your memory, going on along with your life is certainly NOT cheating with your Past, its just how they say 'Your Living your Life'.
Cheer up there is much more to life then just spending your Days and Nights thinking what could have been what, and what could have been better.
Eid is Up fellas, EID MUBARAK to All once again.
Stay Blessed and Cherish yourself :)

A Trip to the GraveYard

3:18 AM

Posted by Sana

4 comments

Yes the title may seem annoying to a few, outrageous to a little and sarcastic to a hell lot of people. And Im going to stick with the latter. I know how visiting Graveyards is thought to be something very religious and very precise and it should be done properly, but heck NO these days it has been made a nuisance for the One's who wish to visit their dear one's and who are their solely for the Purpose of Fateha. But the moment you enter the Graveyard and offer your Salam, you are surrounded by all those bucket kids, yes the ones who run around the Graves and to be more precise pointing out the graves of your dear one's to you. Infact their GOOGLE MAP is far more intact then your Dearest GPRS, your the one who can rethink of the graves but aan aan they will MAKE sure you reach the right Grave at the right time. May be because they eat, sleep, play and die at the exact place. Then comes the time of the deal when they want You to pick Them out of the dozens of children to be responsible for cleaning up the grave (getting the dirt and stuff away from beside the Grave). No matter how much time and delay you take near your dearest's Grave They have all the time up for you, be it a funeral arriving at the moment or something more crucial They cannot in any circumstances spare you.

The moment you bade your farewell and get yourself and just yourself up for the departure you are first encountered from the kids for their wages and that has to be 200% more than what they actually deserve, a penny less would be considered a Sin and there will be a Siren sounded all over the Graveyard, the ones that can be heard at the time of an Impostor Alert, and an order for your Grave will be dispatched that instance, either you pay or you DIE that instance. That same moment you will be seen surrounded not only by the kids who did your work but also the ones who DIDNT do it, followed by the Amman Buddhan (dear old Lady) who calls herself as the Prosecutor and Demands that 5kg Aata and 2kg Sugar should be given away to everyone as a compensation. The moment of shear re-connection becomes an hour of Epic Drama of kids pulling your dupatta and qameez, following you to your car, wailing, whining, laughing, shouting, calling you names etcetera.

You ask them why is this stuff like this, they answer "Sahab koe paisa nahe dy kr gaya, is lyeh nahe kiya", you'l say "but your the one who is responsible for the cleaning of this area" and they will be reply you back with a blank stare (the one that makes you want to slap them real hard). They don't really have the potential knowledge about Not to Walk on the Graves, but spending 24/7 inside, this notion is lost somewhere in the Air. It's us who have to think twice before we manage to reach the Graves and I for sure decide to stand just outside, because in No Way do I want to step on to anyone being Living or Dead. But because at times due to the remoteness of the Grave they had to take that step and the habit of taking such steps is overpowered by the fact of not doing so. The thing that isn't really digesting inside me is that Why does it always have to be MONEY everywhere? Now what I see is my Mom keeping aside change in a pouch and waits for the time when it is heavier than a 5kg weight and then she plans her next visit to the Graveyard. Aren't Graveyards considered to be the resting place for the deceased, and Fateha is considered to be the One deed with which we can repay them. Why is that meeting with your dead Mother or Father made so hard that you first have to think about having the right amount of money before you plan your next visit? I don't want to go on playing the blame game. Along with many others, this is also a factor in the Country that is left un-attended. The kids are too poor to be scolded, infact while your Inside the Graveyard you dont feel like taking a word out of your mouth and once your Out, you just feel like beating the S*** out of them, but still following the ethics of the society and proving yourself Human enough you try and conquer the battle by Winning a Match of blank/hostile Stare.

Lailat-ul-Qadr

2:45 AM

Posted by Sana

As the Akhri Ashara has finally arrived, and yes Im LATE yet again, I'm here just to drop by a quick note, as per Ramadan last year I had posted a few Ebadah's specifically done on the Taaq raats, so if anyone wishes to have a read, follow the link HERE.

Prayers for Everyone :)

The World of Tags

12:45 AM

Posted by Sana

So trust me it has been months or around an year or so that I have done a Tag, these days nobody tags anyone anyhow. Considering that I'm STILL a child according to a comment by someone I have received lately, I planned to get done with the tag tonight :P And the tag sort of describes what a Human craves to be in his/her Imagination ;)

If I WERE!

If I were to be a Month; I'd say December, the Month that marks the End of the Gregorian Year (And because its Winter's )
If I were to be a Day of the Week; I'd say Friday, the Mubarak day of the Week.
If I were to be a Time of the Day; I'd say Early Morning (irrespective of the exact timing), It's such a serene time to be :)
If were to be a Season; I'd say Autumn; waiting to shed off those rotten years of my life.
If I were to be a Planet; I'd say Mars; a Human's NEXT possible stop ;)
If I were to be a Sea Animal; I'd say a Dolphin, that's the cutest and the most playful creature of the sea.
If I were to be a Direction; I'd say the Right one (not literally) but morally the Right Direction ;)
If I were to be a piece of Furniture; I'd say a Daybed, it gives you both the pleasure of falling asleep as well as a piece of convenient sitting :D
If I were to be a Liquid; I'd say blood (no explanation needed).
If I were to be a Tree; I'd be an Oak Tree, because it's Evergreen.
If I were to be a tool; I'd say a hammer, strike em' hard Dude!
If I were to be an element; I'd say Water, the Purest.
If I were to be a Gemstone; I'd say a Black Diamond, rarest and Prettiest :D
If I were to be a Musical Instrument; I'd say a Rabab, because its Simple and it's Folk.
If I were to be a Color; I'd say Sea Green, its just so Surreal.
If I were to be an Emotion; I'd say Satisfaction.
If I were to be a Fruit; I'd say an Apple, I'd keep the Doctor Away, TRUST ME! :P
If I were to be a Sound; I'd say the Sound of the Waves smashing the stones.
If I were to be a Car; I'd say I'm BLANK ( yes I can't think of ANY car right now =/ )
If I were to be a Food; I'd say a Healthy One, everyone talks about it, but no one really bothers to have some :P
If I were to be a Taste; I'd say I'd LOVE to be the Taste of Victory.
If I were to be a Pair of Shoes; I'd say None. (I dont want to be Shoes).
If I were to be a Bird; I'd say a Snow Owl, Pretty, Mysterious and Wise ;)

And here the Tag comes to a formal Ending. All the To Be's are truthfully answered (no bragging about them) If I really was to be anything from the above I'd prefer being the one I just answered.

And as a 'Pass On' ritual I pass this tag on to:

Ubee

Asma

Umema

Uni

SAWJ

Absar

Shaggy

Haris Gulzar

and etc etc, In short EVERYONE.

ps: I know nobody will think twice about getting done with the tag so Im not wasting my time adding links to the names :P Suit Yourself buggers :P

Yes, Im forcing myself.

1:43 AM

Posted by Sana

Ok so Im just forcing myself for the past couple of weeks to post an update, not that I have a REAL update in life apart from that I finally got admission and Im ready to crack some pencils/pens :P and oooh boy is it going to be tough, using keyboards as tool of expression for the past couple of years has totally taken away my power to write. At moments I feel like I have been a doctor in my previous birth (pechala janam) :P Only a pharmacist can victoriously decrypt what I could have written, not I, myself.
Ramadan is going great alhumdulilAllah, staying up till Sehri, enjoying all the pakoras that i can have at Aftaar (pretending as if I wont be allowed to have it for the next Aftaar :P) and etcetera.. The routine is just set and often I feel just a bit too stiff with my life these days. Im doing nothing creative apart from polishing my itsy bitsy novel. Yes the reason why I'm not posting any more episodes is that I have made a hell lot of changes in the previous ones, and I need a bit of suggestion. Since I have made an awful amount of amendments in the chapters so should I be posting them again, and remove the previous ones? (that will make me loose all the comments along with the post =/ ) or should I update the previous posts and give a quick update about the changes made in the form of a new post? I really need some motivation to get done with the novel, coz Eid isnt that far and my classes will commence just AFTER Eid, as I have heard Pakistan is generous enough to permit hardly 3-4 days of Eid Holidays (where as Im used to having 10 Holy Eid Fiesta Holidays :P ).
Life is getting a harder grip on me these days, often do I feel what I did wasnt right and then there are these days when the flame within just burns the frozen emotions and doesnt let you wipe out the flooding within.
But then all is well that ends well.

Cheerio folks will be forcing myself to update again sometime sooner.

اقبال کا مومن

4:28 AM

Posted by Sana

7 comments

خدا کی قسم لعنت ہے ہم پر، ہم تو مسلمان ہونے کی ہر حد کو پار کر چکے ہیں، صرف مسلمان کا ٹھپّا اپنے گریبان پر لگائےگھومتے ہیں، کہنے کو تو ہم شرفا ہیں، تعلیم یافتہ ہیں، ملنسار ہیں، اور کبھی کبھار تو اپنے آپکو کو مومن کہنے سے بھی گریز نہیں کرتے، مگر قسم خدا کی ہم لوگ انسان کہلانے کےلائق بہ نہیں ہیں. رونہ آتا ہے مجھے اپنے آپ پر اور اپنے ملک پر اور اس میں بسنے والے لوگوں پر ہم تو بہت پیر ہیں، اولیاء کےشاگرد ہیں، سینوں میں قرآن لیے پھرتے ہیں، عقیدت مند، سعادت مند مسلمان ہیں، مگر میں کہتی ہوں لعنت ہے اگر ہم اپنےآپ کو یہ سب دیکھنے کے باوجود مسلمان کہتے ہیں تو. کس نے کہہ دیا کے ہم مسلمان ہیں، کیا مسلمان جھوٹ بولتا ہے؟ کیا وہ کسی کا قتل کرتا ہے؟ کیا غبن کرتا ہے؟ کیا حق تلفی کرنے والا مسلمان ہے؟ جواب دو؟ اور یہ تو سب صغریٰ گناہ ہیں بس اسکی رسی دراز کرتے جاؤ اور الله کےعذاب کا شکار بن جاؤ. شرم کرو میں کہتی ہوں اب بھی کچھ باقی ہے تو تھوڑی شرم ہی کرلو ذرّہ برابر بھی جو تم میں الله کا خوف رہ گیا ہو اے انسان ذرّہ برابرہی صحیح . تم نے تو خدا کو صرف سحری اور افطار کی نشریات تک ہی قید کردیا ہے، روز وہی سوال، وہی جواب، وہی شقوق وہی شبہات، پیدائش سےمسلمان ہو اور بچپن سے نہ صحیح تو جوانی سے روزے تو رکھ ہی رہے ہو، بچپن سےنہ صحیح مگر تیسری جماعت سے تو اسلامیات پڑھ ہی رہے ہو نہ، تب بھی وہی مسئلے ہیں ہمارے بیچ میں، ہم کیا اب تک اپنے دین کے میناروں کو ہی نہیں سمجھ سکے. عالم و فاضل و قاری و مبتدعی کہنےکو تو ہم سب کچھ ہیں مگر حقیقت میں کچھ بھی نہیں

ہم تو ان جانوروں سے بھی بدتر ہیں جو کم از کم انسان کے مر جانے کا تو انتظار کرتا ہے، مگر ہم تو زندہ لوگوں کا گوشت نوچ کر کھا لیتے ہیں. اے مسلمان تیرے کیا کہنے.تجھ سے تبصرے کروا لو، جھوٹ بلوا لو، قسمیں اٹھوا لو، سب کچھ کروا لو مگر صرف سچ، ایمانداری اور حقیقت سے کبھی نظرین نہ ملوانا، مگر یہ بھی ہماری خوش فہمی ہے, اب تو وہ زمانہ بھی گیا جب شرم دلانے سے تجھے تھوڑی شرم آجاتی تھی، اب تو چلّو بھر پانی میں بھی کیا سیلاب کے پانی میں بھی ڈوبکی لگا کر تو زندہ ہی باہر آجائے گا اورسنائے گا کہ الله کا تجھ پر خاص کرم تھا, تو مومن ہے اسی لیہ بچ گیا. افسوس تجھ پر از حد افسوس.

مت رو کے یہ سب کیا ہورہا ہے؟ کیوں ہورہا ہے؟ ہماری مدد کیوں کر کوئی نہیں کر رہا؟ ہم مظلوم، ہم لاچار، ہم پر ظلم ہورہا ہے، ہمارا حکمران بدکردار ہے، بےحس ہے، ارے سب سے بڑا بےحس تو تو خود ہے نہ مراد، اس کو ڈھونڈ کر کروڑوں ووٹ ڈال کر لانے والا تو خود ہے،پھر کہاں کا رونہ اور کہاں کا شکوہ کرنا، جس قدر ہم خود گنہگار ہیں یہ سب ہماری ہی کراماتوں کا نتیجہ ہے کسی اور کی نہیں. کسی امریکا نے پانی کے نلکے نہیں کھولے اور انڈیا کےدریا اتنا فالتو پانی نہیں لےکربیٹھے ہوئےجو ہمارے اوپر نچھاور کرتے پھریں، ہوش کر ذرا سی ہوش کر اے مسلمان، غور کر کے میں پاکستانی کہنے کے بجائےمسلمان ہونے پر زور کیوں دی رہی ہوں وہ اس لیہ کے پاکستانی ہونے کا حق تو ہم کافی پہلے ہی پیچھے چھوڑ چکے ہیں جب ہمارے بچوں کو اس ملک میں گندگی اور مچھر زیادہ نظرآنے لگے تھے ، رہا اپنے آپ کو مسلمان کہنے کا زعم تو وہ بھی بس ایک من گھڑت قصّہ لگتا ہے.

حیرت ہے مجھے اس شخص پر جو دو مظلوم لوگوں کو مار کر بھی اپنے آپ کو ڈھٹائی سےمسلمان کہہ رہا ہے، آفرین ہے تجھ پر آفرین ہے، اور آفرین ہے ان تمام لوگوں پر جنہوں نے وہاں اس بازار میں کھڑے ہوکر تماشا دیکھا، ان لوگوں پر جنہوں نے اس تماشے کی تصویرین اتاریں اور ان کو اپنے اپنے ڈبّوں میں قید کر کے اپنے شاہی دفتروں کی طرف افسوس کرتے ہوئے چل دیے ، اور سب سے زیادہ آفرین تو ان قانون کے رکھ والوں پر جنہوں نے اپنے کاندھوں پر سے ستارے فرش پر اڑا کر اس سارے تماشے کا کلائمیکس دیکھا. میں تو کہتی ہوں خدا تو آپ لوگ ہیں، اے بندائے ِ قوت ِ جہاں تجھے میرا سلام، تجھ جیسے بڑے دل والا اور کوئی نہیں، تجھے کسی کا خوف نہیں، کسی کا ڈر نہیں تجھے میرا سلام عرض ہو.

کیا ہی منظرہو گر تجھے بھی بیچ چوک میں لا کر ایسے ہی مارا جائے، کیا لگتا ہے تب تیری طاقت تیرے کام آئے گی؟ کیا لگتا ہے اگر اس جہاں میں نہیں تو روز ِ حشر اگر تیرے ساتھ یہ سلوک کیا جائےاور اس وقت تیری جگہ ڈنڈائے انصاف الله کے ہاتھ میں ہو تو تجھے کیا لگتا ہے وہ پولیس کے افسر تجھے بچا لیں گا؟ وہ دن جس دن موت کو ہی سلا دیا جائے گا، کیا تجھے وقت پر موت آجائے گی؟ اور اگر تیری ادھ مؤی لاش کو قربلا کے اس میدان میں سارے جہاں کے سامنے اسی طرح لٹکا دیا جائے اور ایک ایک بندے سے کہا جائے کے آکر ذرہ اسکا حساب تو کرو، تو تجھے کیا لگتا ہے تجھے موت آجائے گی؟ وہاں تو کوئی تیری چیخ سننے والا نہیں ہوگا، بس سب عبرت لینے والے ہونگے، مگر عبرت بھی کیسے, عبرت لینے کا وقت تو نکل چکا ہوگا، عبرت تو اس واقعے سے لینی چاہیے جو کچھ دن پہلے سیالکوٹ میں ہوا، جب دو معصوم بھائیوں کو بیچ چوراہے پر لا کر ان پر ڈاکو ہونے کا الزام تھونپ کر ان پر ڈنڈے برسائے گئے، اور اتنی بار برسائے گئے کہ وہ مظلوم اسی موقعے پر دم توڑ گئے. انکی شرافت کی گواہی دینے والوں کو دھکیل کر تماشبینوں سے دور پھینک دیا گیا، قانون کے پاسداروں نے تماشبینوں کو گھیر کر تماشے کی حدّت کو اور گرما دیا، کی جو کر رہے ہو بے خوف ہو کر کرو ہم تمھارے قانونی خدا تمھارے ساتھ ہیں، اور رونگٹے کھڑے کردینے والا منظر یہ کہ انکی ادھ مؤی نعشوں کو الٹا لٹکا کر انکی حرمت کی پاسداری بھی نہ کی گئی، آفرین ہے اے انسان، اے مسلمان تجھ پر آفرین ہے. میرے تو حواس ہی نہیں کہ میں اُس گھر کہ منظر کا سوچ سکوں جہاں انکے دو جوان حافظ قرآن بیٹون کی نعشیں پوھنچائی گئی ہونگی، اس باپ کا سر کیسے جھکا ہوگا، جب اُس نے اپنے حافظ قرآن بیٹوں کی میتوں کو کندھا دیا ہوگا اور لوگ یہ کہہ رہے ہونگے دیکھو ڈاکوؤں کا باپ جا رہا ہے . الله تُو ہی بہتر جاننے والا ہے یہ عبرت کا مقام کس کے لیے ہے یا رب آلمین یہ عبرت کا مقام کس کے لیے ہے اور کیوں ہم یہ کہتے ہوئے نظرآتے ہیں کہ بس جی الله کا عذاب ہے ہم پر الله کا عذاب ہے، اے انسان الله اتنا بھی ظالم نہیں کہ مظلوموں پر بنا کسی گناہ کے قہر ڈھاتا رہے، اے مسلمان بس اک بار ذرا اپنا گرہبان جھانک کر تو دیکھ تجھے کیا نظر اتا ہے؟

الله اکبر اے انسان تیرا کوئی حال نہیں ، تو ہی طاقتور ہے تو ہی انصاف پرست ہے، تو نہ جھوٹا ہے، نہ مکّار ہے، نہ غدّار ہے تو تو خدا ہے، ہر فیصلے سے بے خوف اپنی آنا کا خدا ہے تو. کیا کبھی تنہا راتوں کو یہ سب سوچ کر بھی خوف نہیں آتا؟ یہ سوچ کر خوف نہیں آتا کہ اک دن منوں مٹی تلے ہم نے بھی دفن ہونا ہے، یہ سوچنا کے فرشتے جب اپنے سوالوں کا پٹارا کُھلینگے تو تب کہاں اپنا منہ چھپاتا پھریگا، الله سے بچ کر کہاں جانا ہے اے مسلمان الله سے بچ کر کہاں جانا ہے، اپنے گناہوں کے بوجھ تلے سب نے دھنس جانا ہے، کوئی بچانے والا نہیں ہوگا، کوئی پکار سننے والا نہیں ہوگا، کوئی عرضی لینے والا نہیں ہوگا، ہر کام شفاف طریقے سے ہوگا، ہر حساب بے نقص ہوگا.

اقبال کو اپنے مومن پر بڑا ناز تھا، اے اقبال تو نے تو مومن کو وہ بیان کیا جو وہ کبھی تھا ہی نہیں ، نہ اسکی گفتار میں حقیقت ہے اور نہ اسکے کردار میں کوئی شان. جن چار عناصر سے تو نےمومن کو بنتا دیکھا وہ سب الله نے اپنے پاس سمبھال لئے ہیں کہ اب مومن صرف مسلمان ہے، نہ اسکے آگے کچھ اور نہ اسکے پیچھے کچھ، وہ پیدا ہوتا ہے، کانون میں ازان دی جاتی ہے اور مبارک ہو اس دنیا میں ایک اور مسلمان کا اضافہ. اقبال کی سوچ کے مومن اب چراغ لے کر ڈھونڈنے سے بھی نہیں ملتے، مومن تو کیا اے اقبال اب تو مسلمان بھی کہیں ڈھونڈنےسے نہیں ملتے

شکریہ پاکستان

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Posted by Sana

نہیں نہ امید اقبال اپنی کشتِ ویراں سے

ذرا نم ہو تو یہ مٹی بڑی زرخیز ہے ساقی

اقبال نے کہا اور کیا خوب کہا, ہزاروں مسلمانوں کی بے پناہ قربانیوں, ان کے لحو کی خوشبو سے رچی ہے یہ مٹی۔ ذرا نم کرو تو یہ دھرتی ان قربانیوں کا صلہ دینے لگتی ہے۔ مگر اب اس دھرتی نے بھی ہار مان لی ہے۔ مسلسل صلہ دیتے دیتے وہ ہمت ہار چکی ہے. سالوں سے بوئے ہوئے بیج کا پھل کب تک کاٹو گے۔ ذرا سوچو پیدائش سے لے کر اب تک اپنی اس سنہری دھرتی کو دیا کیا ہے؟ اپنی محنت سے اپنے لحو سے کبھی اس مٹی کو ذرخیز کیا ہے؟ تمھارے اگلے آنے والے سوال سے بھی باخوبی واقف ہوں۔ کہ جتنا لحو اب برس رہا ہے اس کا مقابلہ بھلا آزادی کی قربانی سے کیوں کر کریں۔ مگر میرے دل میں تو بس ایک ہی بات بسی ہےکہ کہاں وہ حق پرستوں کی اپنی آزادی ِ فکر کی جنگ اور کہاں آج کے حکمرانوں کی اپنی مضبوطی ِ اقتدار کے لئے جنگ۔ ذرا غور کر اے نوجواں, تو بڑا واضح فرق رکھا ہے دونوں میں. تو سارا دن بیٹھ کر اس سوچ میں لمحے گزار دیتا ہے کہ کاش کچھ ایسا ہو جائے پاکستان راتوں رات امریکہ بن جائے۔ کبھی اس بات پر بھی غور کر لیا کر کہ امریکیوں کو امریکہ بنانے کے لیے کتنی محنت اور بھاری سرمایکاری کرنی پڑھتی ہے۔ مگر تم کیا جانوتم تو پیدائش سے ہی سونے کے چمچے سے سونے کا نوالہ لینے والوں میں سے ہو. جس پنچھی نے کبھی قید دیکھی ہی نہ ہو اس کو کیا علم آزادی کس جام کا نام ہے۔ پوچھنا ہی ہے تو کسی کشمیری سے پوچھو آزادی کس گل کا نام ہے۔ کسی فلسطینی سے پوچھو آزادی سورج کی کس کرن کو کہتے ہیں۔ تم تو بس اس ٣٠ انچ کے ڈبےکو صبح شام تکتے رهتے ہو, جو اس پر سے سن لیا وہی حقیقت ہے، جو کچھ دیکھا وہ سب سے بڑا سچ ہے. نہ خود کسی چیز کو جاننے کی کوشش کی اور نہ سمجھنے کی، اور نہ ہی آگے کوئی ارادہ مطلوب لگتا ہے

موجودہ دور ِ حکومت کے نقص گنوانے ہوں تو صف میں سب سے آگے آپکو پایا جاتا ہے. بھلے مانس اگر جعلی ڈگری کے مرتکب ہیں تو کیا ہوا، رشوت لیتے ہیں تو کونسی بڑی بات ہے، اقربا پروری کے حامی ہیں تو کونسا بڑا گناہ کر دیا. ووٹ ڈال کر جس گناہ کا ارتکاب آپنے کیا ہے اور جو بیج آپنے بویا ہے، اس کا پھل تو اب کاٹنا ہی پڑے گا

میری تو اپنے آپ سے, سب سے, بس یہی التجاہ ہے کہ محنت نہیں کرسکتے نہ کرو، مدد نہیں کرسکتے نہ کرو، اس مٹی کو اپنے پسینے سے نم نہیں کرسکتے, نہ کرو مگر اے اس وطن کے باسیوں صرف ایک بار دل سے اس ملک کو اپنا تو مانو. چھوڑو باہر کے ملکوں کو وہاں کیا رکھا ہے، وہاں اُس دیس میں ایسی خوشبو کہاں. ایسی زرخیزی کہاں، ایسی الفت کہاں، ایسی چاہت کہاں- زندگی بھر لگا دو گے باہر, مگر پلٹ کر آنا تو اپنے لئے منوں مٹی ڈھونڈنے یہیں ہینا، تب کس منہ سے اسکو اپنا کہوگے، کس حق سے اسے اسکا فرض یاد دلاؤ گے

کچھ نہ کر سکو تو اک بار اسکو یہی که دو, اے میری دھرتی میری وارث تجھے میرا سلام

شکریہ پاکستان

Ermmmmm. Im Sorry =/

5:46 AM

Posted by Sana

I dont have words to describe WHY I havent been updating my blog, especially the novel I had been hooked up to doesnt seem to be moving any further. I had been working on the story for a while, and I ended up adding stuff and polishing the entire story, to make it more NOVEL like. I came across plenty of bloopers I had to overcome, and new scenes in the episodes already written. So Ill most probably be editing the Previous entries as well, once Im done with the Novel.
Another reason WHY I haven't been editing is the Extra work Im hooked up with, a National Campaign on Social Networks like Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, infact everywhere you get a chance to show yourself in the form of Images. Its called "Go Green Pakistan". A reason to Unite before 14th of August, turning your timelines, friend lists, every possible thing Green :)
If you feel like turning green then let us know at greenkaro@gmail.com or fill up the form here.

Happy Blessed Month of Ramadan Everyone :)

9:00 PM

Posted by Sana

Why do at times, the hardest thing in your entire life seems to be Connecting with your Self?

Sweet Dreams..

1:03 AM

Posted by Sana

Sometimes the Emptiness kind of prevails within you. There are times when you feel, you have seriously TAKEN over that emptiness within you. But it's not truly Victory its Hallucination I guess. A kind of sweet dream when you feel you have finally brought light to your life, but the things, the situations, the people, the weather, EVERYTHING at times, bring you back to the same room, where You & Your Emptiness spent hours in Harmony!

Epidemic Videos

5:25 PM

Posted by Sana

8 comments

Ok there is a trend named now as Epidemic/Viral Videos, where a specific video becomes the headlines of all social networking profiles.... Its been for like a week that this specific one video has been there on my nerves in a 100+ forms. Her Morning Elegance by Oran Lavie. A great video and a great concept. The best point about the video is that, apart from the character on the Bed, nothing seems to be moving, not even the sunrays on the bed. This is a real HARD Work. Coz for all the parodies that I saw, they were successful in creating the character but failed to keep the environment stable. Im sharing the video by Oran Lavie and than another video of Uzair Jaswal - So ja. To show how Pakistanis attempted this video. Though the story line of both the videos are different but the techniques are the same.

PS: Im not at all an Uzair Jaswal fan, Im just sharing the video to compare the techniques.

Yippie

3:04 AM

Posted by Sana

Ok the recent post in my blogroll just gave me jitters. And this lousy internet connection was about to give me electrical shocks when it took a record breaking 15 mins time to open up a light weight blog page =/. Connections can be really pathetic at times :P
The good news is I WON the One-Sentence Story Competition hosted at M.M's blog more than a week ago. I seriously wasn't expecting this at all. I never really submitted anything in such competitions, afraid of the fact that my work would look all kiddish infront of the great pieces people come up with. But this one made my day.
ahhhhhh will surely have a good night sleep now InshAllah :D

You can drop by her blog or follow the link HERE, to check the other remarkable entries as well :)

You took him Away!

2:16 AM

Posted by Sana

21 comments

Sitting alone in the exact corner, where once I used to sit and look at you for hours. I still see the same enormity within you. Nothing has changed. You seem to be as deep and as bewildered as you used to be before. Having no sympathy for those who sit there in those dark corners looking at you and beating the feel to drown within. It seems so alluring to them to just keep on walking towards You, deeper and deeper into you.

Sitting here I can still see the rocks lying there half dry and half wet. You never want anyone to be complete dont you, except for yourself. You feel only you have the right to be complete, to be strong, to be powerful. You never give up your strength for anyone dont you. Not even for me. For I have given you my love. As You took him IN without even looking back at Me. Not listening to my crumbled moans, when I sat there for weeks, looking back at you, with eyes filled with tears, anguish, rage and envy. Just pretending sitting in that corner with my eyes fixed right at you, waiting for that moment when you will give me back my Love, but you didnt. You took him away from me Forever. You just loved looking at me all lost and gone astray. You loved looking at me didnt you, you loved to have me there every day and every night, sitting there looking at you when you kissed the soil with an intensity that drove shivers down my body. And as the days passed and the dawn of a new day broke you craved to see me, you longed for me. I became your prey, the one you will do anything for. For all you wanted was to take me within, to be complete. But I wasnt a fool. I came each day just to tell you, you can never be complete, indeed you took my love away but I will never let myself fall for your prey, I come here for my Love and I still will. But I will make you long for your desire as you made me for my Love.

I will never want you to be complete, I will never fall for your strength. I will Never let you WIN.

update update update update update update update update

12:55 PM

Posted by Sana

4 comments

alryt alryt this is ENUF, I have had it from me. I can't be any lazier than THIS. But Im *sigh*. LORD! I can be so pathetic at times. Im turning to a couch potato or rather a potato with a laptop attached to it :S
Its been months we have shifted back to Pakistan and saddeningly half of the entire packed stuff was loaded in my room, and I was BAY-ROOM (without a room) for like around 4 months now. Finally we decided to take out all the stuff re-arrange it so that it fits into ONE room, and I get to have my room back :). Its been a tiring effort of about 8 hours that we finally managed to THOSOFY all the stuff in one room leaving behind a few suitcases in my room, which I will eventually stick back into that room so that there isnt a needle left in my room :P Now I have to assemble my PC Table, get a PC, get a Bed, a dresser would be optional (I can literally live without a dresser :P ) and a few other optional items for my room. But first off I still have to clear up alot of Mess that is hanging around in my room *sigh* and here Im sitting and planning stuff that I should Do rather doing it in reality =/ couch potatao!

I HATE you Satan ...

1:27 PM

Posted by Sana

Errrrrrr ....... I so HATE it when I miss my Fajar Salah =(, and today what happened just blew my head off. I always feel guilty the ENTIRE day when I miss my prayers (especially Fajar). I usually keep my alarm 10-15 mins after the Azaan, This morning I heard the entire Azaan alhumduliAllah ( half in sleep though), went straight to the bathroom, and it is where the Satan found it's prey =/ He silently whispered it in my ear and it straight went up to my head. " YOU still have 15 minutes till your Alarm rings". And Voila! I went out and got straight into my bed :(. Then when did the Alarm ring I have NO idea :(. That jerk woke me up at around 6:00 to show me his victory, when I saw the strong rays filling up my room and got disgusted at myself, this is no doubt the MOST disgusting part seriously!
CURSE YOU SATAN ....... :@
I still keep on thinking when Satan was feeding all this to me where the hell was my goody goody angel sleeping, you know the one in the cartoons, when TOM is usually planning something bad about jerry and PUFF come the angels. Where was my angel when I needed Him. =/

PS: OK the last paragraph was just a kiddish thought =P

Daam

3:37 PM

Posted by Sana

0 comments

Kyun kho gaye woh lamhay,
Kahan kho gaye woh lamhay?
Rishtoun ky woh silsilay,
Kahan kho gaye woh lamhay,

Zara sa socho ge ruk ky agr tum,
Ja na paogi mjhsy alag tum,
Lambi dopherun mai pairoun ke chaon kia bhool paogi tum?

Jhoot hai sabhi sacha kuch nahe,
Dhooka ya daam tha,
Na jana tmhain na samjha tmhain,
Dhooka ya daam tha,
Naata na tha rishta na tha,
Khuwab tha... toot gaya,
Pagal ho tum choro zid yeh,
Khuwab tha... toot gaya,

Rastay alag manzil juda phr rona kia.

hmmmmmmmm
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Aeitbar tha jo ikhtiyar tha,
Dhooka ya Daam tha,
Bohol mai gae yaad kuch nahe,
Dhoka ya daam tha,
Naata na tha rishta na tha,
Khuwab tha... toot gaya,
Pagal ho tum choro zid yeh,
Khuwab tha... toot gaya

Rastay alag manzil jhuda phr rona kia.

Kyun kho gaye woh lamhay,
Kahan kho gaye woh lamhay?
Rishtoun ky woh silsilay,
Kahan kho gaye woh lamhay?

Zara sa socho ge ruk ky agr tum,
Ja na paogi mjhsy alag tum,
Lambi dopherun mai pairoun ke chaon kia bhool paogi tum?

PS: An Amazing effort by Zeb & Haniya

Tale of Embarrassments..

11:27 PM

Posted by Sana

Alright so sometimes these KESC breaks bring out the worst things in you but it also brings out the most funniest =P a few days ago the power went off eggjactly at 11:30 at night. Lying down having nothing to do, I just closed my eyes and started drifting where ever my mind and thoughts took me to. After wandering here and there (like puranay gali mahalloun kay chakkar lagaye do chaar) I started having the most funniest collage of my yesteryears. And to top it off all of them were embarrassing, like my mind was in a mood to show me a whole film of the most embarrassing moments in my life till present =/ It turned out I planned to post some of em here too =P They r in NO specific order.

Embarrassing Situation 1
===================
Picture: Im talking over the phone with my sister, having no idea at all where the rest of the family members are, rather thats usually not my concern when im over the phone with my sister we just talk and talk and talk NON STOP. So just a while ago my mom and dad just came from outside. And Mom just told me about what had happened on their way to the bank. Now my dad being a left hand driver for over 27 years MashAllah have a little trouble driving on the right hand side of the road (but that certainly doesnt include him NOT seeing a RED light) but because it was 12pm, the sun always tricks you in seeing the wrong thing =P and my Dad mistakenly jumped over a red light and got followed by a police patrol, now he also has issues with parking and pulling over makes him just like a fuming dragon when such a thing happens, bus its just like you have to look closer to visualize it. HAH! So as for our beloved Police my dad knew what to do (keeping in mind my dad doesnt have a pakistani licesnse yet and Lord knows when he decides to get one =P) he knew ke PAISA KAAM AYEGA [money will do the trick] he asked for what he wanted and he dropped his demand for 300rs. Shucks my dad didnt have any change in his pocket so he had to give 500rs instead of 300 (one lucky chap he was =P) and finally Allah Allah krkay they got back home. So my Mom hurriedly narrated this whole tale to me in mere 5 mins and ran to the kitchen, not knowing that my Dad is standing just behind me and he overheard what I said next. I narrated my Mum's story to my sis something like dis:

"Han Abba jee nay tora haina aaj Signal aur diye hain Tullay ko panch so rupees[ in a sort of ranting tone]", amidst this line I heard my Abba Jee saying " Kia bachun wali baatein kr rahe hai" to my Mom whilst I was getting that dreadful stare from my Mom when I should realize that I should better off keep my tongue inside my mouth than out =/

Embarrassed? NO! rather I should say Clean Bowled =/

Embarrassing Situation 2
===================
This dates back quite a few years ago when IT Xpo used to be a HYPE =P, I remember visiting that Xpo just once in my life (keeping in mind what had happened before I refused to visit that place ever again) Roaming around checking amazing Gadgets of that time, having no specific knowledge about any (being quite young at that time) My Khala was deciding to upgrade her machine at that time, we casually paused at a stall for a while and just as we were about to leave a STUPID, jack-ass sales man started off giving his speech explaining his SEXY ITEM [ P3 at that time] looking at our direction so as of courtesy we decided to stand for a while and listen to his backwas. Once he finished off his speech and landed his fleet he asked as a reference which machine were we exactly using, and ME being a small stupid kid the one who blurts out stuff without even thinking just once said, rather shouted that we owned a Pentium Celeron (HECK NO! I dont own one I have a P3 already at my place back home I was speaking up on behalf of my Khala =/) that was it that Jack-Ass SM went all "Oh SHIT!" over what I said and the crowd that surrounded that stall couldnt stop laughing =/ We had no choice but to leave the stall with our heads down and that too just because of me =(

Embarrasing Situation 3
===================
Scene: I was due to meet my Chem teacher by the end of my Phy lecture while my Chem teacher was busy having a class of grade 8th girls. Now I knocked at the door and entered the class at her signal [me being a senior at that time got all kind of stares from those girls] I just dont remember clearly what kind of conversation went off at that time as I only remember the embarrassing bit of it. We were just talking talking when the bell rang and I went saying her something like: "Teacher Aap Over Hogaen?" now that sounded ZO-MAINE [something having a double meaning] except me the rest of the people in that class took it as "teacher app over hogaen as in over-acting wala OVER" =/ but what I actually meant was she got free from that specific class at the moment =/ and eventually again I had to leave the class without clearing my point.

Embarrassing Situation 4
===================
This particular incident happened when I was in grade 7th as far as i remember. One of our aunties from the compound visited school during break time and I went off to greet her and inquire her about her visit, of which she replied she had come to meet her daughter which was a year senior to me. So I just went off after a 5 min conversation. After a few games here and there I spotted aunty waving me and calling me out for something. When I finally reached there she handed over something to me. On looking into my hand I found there were a few riyals, now me the stupid being thought that they were for me (like aunty giving me a small treat out of courtesy) and as a namesake I went all "Thanks Aunty but iski koe zaroorat nahe the" and that sweet aunty went all "Nahe yeh tmharay liye nahe hain kaheen Sara nazar aye tou ussay day dena" hitting a heavy slap on my face with her words =/ aunty agr 5 riyal day be daite tu jaan nikal jani the kia apki kam az kam mai embrrass tou na hoti na =( GOSH!

Embarrassing Situation 5
===================
Scene: Me chasing my friend around the girls wing corridor for a game of bhagam bhaag =P.
As I was just about to grab my friends collar I over sped across the half high corridor and twisted my ankle in a way that I didnt break it rather I landed on the ground with a loud thud, it sounded more like as if i cracked my skull. As I lay on the ground with my face wrapped up by my hands it felt like pin drop silence at the moment [ amazingly I crashed really hard on the floor and I didnt get hurt at all]. The friend I was chasing had started getting fits that Im long gone by now and she will be declared as my murderer. But in reality with such a loud bang I was so embarrassed that I wasnt even able to move a single bone. But regarding my friends constant plead I had to get up and I did that with a huge grin on my face so that everyone takes it lightly and forget it like a joke =/

These were it till finally I heard the beep indicating me to start jumping with joy as LIGHT AGAE hai =P. As these situations might seem funny at the moment but HELL YEAH they were embarrassing enough to give me nightmares at that time =(

PS: as a check Im having a poll on my blog for about 2 weeks just to know which one of these seemed the most embarrassing to my readers =P do cast ur vote even if u dont comment =P

Nibha na Paen!

3:00 AM

Posted by Sana

6 comments

Loving this song in every bit and mode, either Live, rough or in whatever form it is. You only get such masterpieces every once a while.

Bilal Khan
Bachana.

PS: the post title has nothing to do with the Song ....

Painfully

1:22 AM

Posted by Sana

6 comments

Why do someday you miss someone your not meant to with a painful intensity that punches straight in your heart...

Crazy as it sounds.... I really cant imagine what exactly do I miss that much, the wind that blew, the air I took, or the heart that I broke. I wasnt ever meant to be a Life Saver.

Drowning down deep deep down in the ocean of my own reality, where the water is no blue but black, where no life can be seen, and no sound can be heard. All I can see, feel, hear, and think of is Me. Why do I had to be so self-obsessed!

When you ask me for the Truth,
I say no Words,

When you ask me for that Feel,
I say I have None,

When you ask for me that Touch,
I say I turned it all to dust,

When you ask me for those Laughs,
I say I had lost them all,

When you ask me for those Stares,
I say Im all blind,

When you ask me for those Memories,
I say I burnt it all behind,

When you ask me for that Love,
I say I sold my heart away,

When you ask Me of Me,
Silence was all that I could say.

Sincerely Yours!

Damn ME!

2:11 AM

Posted by Sana

Yes this is a small post (coz of the dying mobile battery) that u jst write to curse ur Ownself. I the hoshyaar, chalaak, samajhdaar one broke my laptop 2 days ago n it seems the end of the world to me =( its in the ICU n duno if it vl recover or not =/ n bake raha sawaal nae netbook ya notebook ka tou filhaal koe scene nazaar nae araha =( hve 2 consult sawj in this matter, thn il b posting my new relationship status soon ;)
til thn hospital ky chakkar lagany paraingy =/
prayers needed!

BLOG!

12:02 PM

Posted by Sana